Grossed out.

I have hit the major wall of testing. Only one more test on Friday and I am a MS1.5, having completed that first semester. I am waiting for my scores in Biochem, hoping that the test that I took some how translates to a passing grade. It was a "shelf exam" from the National Board who seemed to be testing a different biochemistry than I seemed to learn. Everyone walked out of that test with the look of "I didn't think I was that stupid" look on their face. It was kind of a violating feeling. To study so hard and then feel like I know so very little. Histology is over, and I know that I passed, HURRAH!! I didn't do as well as I thought I was going to, I seemed to have a moment of 'every picture of a cell looks like a pink and purple blob and I don't know what in the world that is.' Not the best feeling when 40% is a practical with lovely pictures! The fun was reading the emails from the course director after some of the annoyingly perfect had a fit about what they thought was an unfair test. It wasn't unfair, it was just a smidge more difficult than we were expecting.

Today was Developmental Anatomy or DEVO for short. I was humbled by the test. I don't think I passed. I hope I scored enough that I will pass the class overall. I didn't seem to have the same opinions of what was the most important items from each lecture as the crafters of the final did. I could never keep all of the genes straight and 14% of the questions had to do with the genes in some way. It makes me
VERY bitter toward researchers and their cute little names for their pet proteins, enzymes and genes. Grumble, grumble. The scantrons are available to pick up, but I wont do that until after my last test Friday.

Which brings me to Gross Anatomy. That shelf exam from Biochem really has me spooked about the Gross shelf exam. I just have to really buckle down in the next 40 hours or so and learn about every nook and cranny that I overlooked or have forgotten about since August. I feel like I am trying to hold 5000 marbles in my hands at once. It's just not possible to know it all. Not yet that is. Friday morning, it will be another story.

I still love it, though. I am so lucky. But I can't say that I can't wait until Friday at about 12pm when the first semester will be OVER!!!! Oh well, enough time off. Cranial nerves, seduce me with your magnificence.

I am not dead.

September? September? I last posted then? It is December. How did that happen? And why, am I taking the time now to post? I guess I am tired of looking at my crummy drawings of biochem pathways and histology structures. Even though we have 2.5 weeks of tests starting Thursday. I just needed a break. I am completely terrified of this round of tests. I managed to scrape by the first, extra-fortified (thank you Ike) round of tests, but not with much wiggle room. So, back to looking at things that look vaguely familiar but will be tested in the most minute detail in a couple of days. We are done with dissection and I am so happy that is done. Now I just have to pass the class so I don't have to do that again. I was a horrible group mate, mainly reading and squeamishly holding something every now and again. Except for the fact I some how managed to saw her head in half. Go figure. I will NEVER be a surgeon. My tankmates were great at detail work. I didn't feel like I could tell anything apart and was terrified to destroy the most important structure, only to be ridiculed.

I have developed somewhat of a rythem of quasi-balance for home and studying. I try to get to school really early and then study and go home and be mommy in the evening and maybe cram in a little more info before bed. Doesn't always work, but I try. Steven, mom, the in-laws and the kids have been so supportive it is amazing. I have to pay back their sacrifice by doing well. Or at least passing.

I will be perfectly honest, there probably won't be any posts until the end of December, after tests, during that brief moment when I can come up for air. Oh well, I did choose this. And boy am I glad I did.