Destination Medicine

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Time Machine

This time tomorrow, I will have finished the last test of my first year of medical school. Wow, that seems impossible. I was musing over all the stuff that I put myself and my family through to get to this point and now we have made it through one year. Wow. Wow. Wow. I should be studying right now, but I needed a break from microbiology. Too many bugs on the brain. I am also a little sleepy from having shadowed in the ER last night until 10 pm. It was a more depressing day to shadow, but also more gratifying in some ways. I really love the ER though, and I could definitely see myself working there. I am so impressed with the physicians that I meet in the ER, they really know their stuff. I on the other hand, feel like a complete idiot. Since I am a geezer as far as the class is concerned, I think sometimes people think I know more than I actually do. I am going to be scrambling to look up journal articles, clotting cascades, febrile seizures and types of anemia just to fix my understanding of some of the cases that I saw last night.

I can look at how far I have come, but there is still SO much to learn. I am going to enjoy the summer, but I will be ready to get back at it in August. I need to alter my plans for studying some and start thinking about the best way to cram all of the pharm and path in my head without forgetting all of the 1st year material. That will be challenging.

I also can't believe that in just a week my baby girl is going to graduate from kindergarten. Where did that time go? I can track my medical school journey back to 9 weeks after her birth, when I took my first tentative steps toward med school with an undergraduate math class. That seems like eons ago. I know the rest of it will fly by all too fast, as my kids grow, I develop into a physician.

I am also so deeply blessed to have Steven along for the ride. He has been my rock (how appropriate) and is the love of my life. At our wedding, we danced to "Grow Old Along with Me" by Mary Chapin Carpenter. The rest of the line continues "the best is yet to be." I certainly feel that way when Steven is holding my hand.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Finals, Finally.

I knew it would happen this way. I was trying on that white coat for the first time, just last week, right? I have made it through every lecture, clinical correlate, and lab thrown at me and now all that I have left is finals. Not that the rest is a cake walk, but now, it kind of looks manageable. Except for neuro. I am having a problem with neuro. The last test just wasn't what I expected. I studied for hours, including arriving at the LRC at 4:15 in the morning of the test to get a nice 8 hour block in before the test. The test was just not what I studied for, it was an imposter. So I finally graded it and failed. Not by much, but fail. The really frustrating and gnawing evil is what I missed because of the test. At my daughter's school there was a Mother's Day breakfast. She sang and danced and at the end, runs to mom to give her a big hug. Except it wasn't mom. It was my mom, which was fine. I just can't believe that I worked so hard and ended up failing and letting my mother's day hug be placed on anyone else but me. It was one of the only time this year that I feel I really let her down. There have been other instances, but this was a biggie in my book. No one else can fill in for mom on mother's day. Abigail didn't seem to mind that much and told me all about it and gave me the book that all the kids presented to the moms. In it, she answers questions like "What is a mom's job?" Her answer: "To study." and "What does your mom want for Mother's Day?" Answer: A syringe. I hope no one thinks I am an IV drug user from that answer. Another little girl whose mother works for the DEA stated that her mom's job was "killing bad guys." so maybe the syringe part isn't so bad.

I still really love everything that has happened this year. I have made wonderful friends, seen amazing stuff and been able to meet and interact with amazing faculty. I am in a great place and I don't want to be anywhere else. That includes repeating Neuro next year, so I had better get back on the ball and study! Six more exams and a little freedom!