Time Machine

This time tomorrow, I will have finished the last test of my first year of medical school. Wow, that seems impossible. I was musing over all the stuff that I put myself and my family through to get to this point and now we have made it through one year. Wow. Wow. Wow. I should be studying right now, but I needed a break from microbiology. Too many bugs on the brain. I am also a little sleepy from having shadowed in the ER last night until 10 pm. It was a more depressing day to shadow, but also more gratifying in some ways. I really love the ER though, and I could definitely see myself working there. I am so impressed with the physicians that I meet in the ER, they really know their stuff. I on the other hand, feel like a complete idiot. Since I am a geezer as far as the class is concerned, I think sometimes people think I know more than I actually do. I am going to be scrambling to look up journal articles, clotting cascades, febrile seizures and types of anemia just to fix my understanding of some of the cases that I saw last night.

I can look at how far I have come, but there is still SO much to learn. I am going to enjoy the summer, but I will be ready to get back at it in August. I need to alter my plans for studying some and start thinking about the best way to cram all of the pharm and path in my head without forgetting all of the 1st year material. That will be challenging.

I also can't believe that in just a week my baby girl is going to graduate from kindergarten. Where did that time go? I can track my medical school journey back to 9 weeks after her birth, when I took my first tentative steps toward med school with an undergraduate math class. That seems like eons ago. I know the rest of it will fly by all too fast, as my kids grow, I develop into a physician.

I am also so deeply blessed to have Steven along for the ride. He has been my rock (how appropriate) and is the love of my life. At our wedding, we danced to "Grow Old Along with Me" by Mary Chapin Carpenter. The rest of the line continues "the best is yet to be." I certainly feel that way when Steven is holding my hand.

Finals, Finally.

I knew it would happen this way. I was trying on that white coat for the first time, just last week, right? I have made it through every lecture, clinical correlate, and lab thrown at me and now all that I have left is finals. Not that the rest is a cake walk, but now, it kind of looks manageable. Except for neuro. I am having a problem with neuro. The last test just wasn't what I expected. I studied for hours, including arriving at the LRC at 4:15 in the morning of the test to get a nice 8 hour block in before the test. The test was just not what I studied for, it was an imposter. So I finally graded it and failed. Not by much, but fail. The really frustrating and gnawing evil is what I missed because of the test. At my daughter's school there was a Mother's Day breakfast. She sang and danced and at the end, runs to mom to give her a big hug. Except it wasn't mom. It was my mom, which was fine. I just can't believe that I worked so hard and ended up failing and letting my mother's day hug be placed on anyone else but me. It was one of the only time this year that I feel I really let her down. There have been other instances, but this was a biggie in my book. No one else can fill in for mom on mother's day. Abigail didn't seem to mind that much and told me all about it and gave me the book that all the kids presented to the moms. In it, she answers questions like "What is a mom's job?" Her answer: "To study." and "What does your mom want for Mother's Day?" Answer: A syringe. I hope no one thinks I am an IV drug user from that answer. Another little girl whose mother works for the DEA stated that her mom's job was "killing bad guys." so maybe the syringe part isn't so bad.

I still really love everything that has happened this year. I have made wonderful friends, seen amazing stuff and been able to meet and interact with amazing faculty. I am in a great place and I don't want to be anywhere else. That includes repeating Neuro next year, so I had better get back on the ball and study! Six more exams and a little freedom!

Why yes, I should be studying. . .

I have a micro test tomorrow. I really don't want to study. So, I am taking the time to do everything else that I can think to do other than study. Hence, I blog. I have made a fairly important decision that will impact my entire future. I want to go into Emergency Medicine. I have been shadowing as much as I can with the full time schedule at school and family. I have only shadowed ER, but it is so great. It really matches my profile. . .It is fast paced, you never know what is going to come into the door, you can really impact people's lives for the better and you get to see all sorts of stuff. I had come to the realization in my teaching career that I was great at getting a project going, starting quick, writing curriculum, managing the initiation of new projects, organizing people and events. My downfall was always the continuation of the project. I guess that I get bored with the nitty-gritty detail work that continues forever. So I have come to realize that I don't want to do the same thing day after day (ie specialize) nor do I want to treat patients year after year for problems that they aren't doing anything about. Well how about that cough, didn't we talk about you not smoking on the last 20 visits? Or, how about you put down that bag of Cheetos long enough for me to look at your non-healing wound on your arm. And how long have you not followed the diet and exercise plan? And is it really more important to have all the movie channels to watch instead of paying for your medicine? And do you here the sarcasm that will get me run out of any family practice?

But I know there will be crappy stuff about ER, but it will be a different, rotating crap. I can be bitter about different things, not the same thing. I say hopefully. That is if I pass neuroscience. I hate neuroscience. It is interesting, but just TOO MUCH. It needs some retooling. Some of the class is fantastic. There is a neurologist who presents clinical correlates that are great and tempt me to become a neurologist. But not for long. Today's test for example was an exercise in failure for me. I am not looking forward to grading those scantrons. Hopefully they will put the scantron copies in our boxes tonight so I can grade it tomorrow in private, so no one hears all the x-ing I have to do and then the subsequent cursing.

But again, I still love it. There is this inner happiness that I feel that I am in medical school, almost one year in and ready to tackle the next. I am so looking forward to the clinical years. I realize that there is SO much I have to go back and review, but there is a lot that has stuck. And that is exciting.

I have also gotten two preceptorships lined up for this summer. I will spend 2 weeks with a family doctor in a nearby town and then 3 weeks with my kids' pediatrician. She is really a neat person and I am looking forward to that experience.

I am not looking forward to getting up at 3 am in the morning to start my day, but is the last day of tests for this block, so there is some relief that we just have one more block and then finals. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. . .

Stitch in Time

I have placed a stitch in a live human being. And under the VERY close eye of a resident who helped me along, it looked pretty good. It is just crazy to think that I can walk into an ER in this case to shadow someone and get to come out of the shadow and do something. Along those lines, I really like emergency medicine. I think I could do that and enjoy it. I have not seen the truly horrible and tragic, I must admit, but what I have seen has really made me put it higher on my list of possibilities. The ER at Memorial Hermann in the Texas Medical Center is an amazing place. I saw Dr. Red Duke in the ER and after he left, all the doctors were telling amusing anecdotes about what they had seen him do for patients. Just a legend. I bumped into him again today with my red-headed daughter and he commented about her hair and then explained why it is red, the genetic background, the importance of sunscreen and what happens as red-heads age all in the span of about 30 seconds as he waited for the elevator. He is a great Aggie!

With the kids being on spring break, I have continued my own break into this week. I will have to stop that really soon and get back on the studying wagon. Two more blocks and I can finish up for the semester and enjoy sleeping a little more. But I have to be honest with myself, that probably won't happen.

But if you need a stitch placed, I can tell you about some really great people who can do that for you!

Spring Breakin'!

So it has been almost 2 months since I posted. Medical school seems to have that effect on me. I honestly want to post what is going on, but that extra 30 minutes of sleep is far and away more attractive to me. There is also some sort of time warp that occurs with school. Like some crappy '50s movie or here's a better analogy, sliding down an ever steeper slope towards a wood chipper. Oh, and they throw on grease, just to make things interesting. A vortex of doom approaches at the end of each block before tests. There just isn't enough time to learn everything they way I want to learn it. IT'S JUST TOO MUCH! So you do your best, take some practice tests, hone in on the things that seem like they were really important and then march to the room to take the test. By the last test, you really don't care much about anything except getting through the test and outta that room.

So let's get caught up on the events of the last few weeks. I have shadowed a couple of times in the emergency department of the local county hospital and really enjoyed it. I know that seems perverse, but it is gratifying to be able to see the information that you are trying to learn being applied. I also go to put staples in some guy's head. Cool.

So the doctor hands me the staple gun and says to try one to get the feel of it (in the air) for practice. The guy nearly jumped off of the bed, but she said "No, no, it's OK." I suppose all the painkillers that he had helped with his nerves! I also saw a wide variety of common and uncommon ailments. It amazed me several times that people will wait so long to come in to the hospital for treatment. Then I remembered that I was in the county hospital and many of these people don't have enough money for meals and clothes, let alone a physician. I thank my lucky stars my husband has insurance and we can get good preventative care.

The week of tests went OK. I still am not blowing them out of the water by any stretch. P equal MD is my motto, although a high pass in something would be nice, but I won't hold my breath. I am OK with sacrificing a little grade wise to have a semblance of family life. It seems to work right not.

We went camping for break. It was nice to enjoy the LONG days. I still have a paper to write and a presentation to prepare, but it has been nice to catch my breath, have fun with my kids and husband and loaf around for an afternoon. In three days I will be back at it. I am going to make it! I just have to keep telling myself that and studying my butt off!

2009 - New number, same grind

Well, after a lovely break for Christmas, I have returned for the second semester. I did end up passing all of my classes and tests. Thank goodness, especially since I took the Gross exam with a fever, don't remember the majority of it and left really quickly. This semester the lovely classes being presented are Neuroscience, Physiology, Microbiology and Immunology. I can say that I have no love for any of the classes so far and that had inhibited my study progress. I have tests next week and hope that I can get caught up with all of them to sufficiently pass each test.

This semester has a horrible schedule. Each morning has about 4 hours of class straight. Last semester we usually didn't start until 9 or sometimes 10. I just seem to always be here and by the time I can sit down to do notes or study it is time to go or I am just beat. It seems to be fairly common with the class that it has been difficult to get started. Not that it makes it any better, but at least I am in good company.

The best thing about this semester has been my decision to go and shadow in the ER with Dr. O. I thought that I would stay for about 4 hours but ended staying for about 7 hours and not getting home until midnight. It was great to see some of the stuff that we had talked about in an actual person that really brought the concept home. It also made me realize that in a city of 4 million, people can do some really dumb things.

Well, enough diversion from studying. I need to buckle down. I studying ALL weekend, too. Yippee. But I still love it.

Grossed out.

I have hit the major wall of testing. Only one more test on Friday and I am a MS1.5, having completed that first semester. I am waiting for my scores in Biochem, hoping that the test that I took some how translates to a passing grade. It was a "shelf exam" from the National Board who seemed to be testing a different biochemistry than I seemed to learn. Everyone walked out of that test with the look of "I didn't think I was that stupid" look on their face. It was kind of a violating feeling. To study so hard and then feel like I know so very little. Histology is over, and I know that I passed, HURRAH!! I didn't do as well as I thought I was going to, I seemed to have a moment of 'every picture of a cell looks like a pink and purple blob and I don't know what in the world that is.' Not the best feeling when 40% is a practical with lovely pictures! The fun was reading the emails from the course director after some of the annoyingly perfect had a fit about what they thought was an unfair test. It wasn't unfair, it was just a smidge more difficult than we were expecting.

Today was Developmental Anatomy or DEVO for short. I was humbled by the test. I don't think I passed. I hope I scored enough that I will pass the class overall. I didn't seem to have the same opinions of what was the most important items from each lecture as the crafters of the final did. I could never keep all of the genes straight and 14% of the questions had to do with the genes in some way. It makes me
VERY bitter toward researchers and their cute little names for their pet proteins, enzymes and genes. Grumble, grumble. The scantrons are available to pick up, but I wont do that until after my last test Friday.

Which brings me to Gross Anatomy. That shelf exam from Biochem really has me spooked about the Gross shelf exam. I just have to really buckle down in the next 40 hours or so and learn about every nook and cranny that I overlooked or have forgotten about since August. I feel like I am trying to hold 5000 marbles in my hands at once. It's just not possible to know it all. Not yet that is. Friday morning, it will be another story.

I still love it, though. I am so lucky. But I can't say that I can't wait until Friday at about 12pm when the first semester will be OVER!!!! Oh well, enough time off. Cranial nerves, seduce me with your magnificence.